Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
