Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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