PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
