Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
