I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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