I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I need to align my fucking chakras
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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