So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
