Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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