Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
