had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I fill condoms, not promises.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
