we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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