At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
