I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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