my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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