I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
