Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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