I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
