Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
