I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Enjoy the penises
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
