Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
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He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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