Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
