man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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