You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
why is half of my head shaved?
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