Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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