We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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