she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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