my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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