My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
