why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
