CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
