Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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