Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
