You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
