My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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