Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
