dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
