Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
