Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
