I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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