look no pants
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
soo... how was my night?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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