I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
