went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
