My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
