k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
