Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
