i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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