If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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