You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
