I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
