Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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