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I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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