U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
