I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
