Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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