Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
