Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
her vagine was all disorganized.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
