what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
