I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
