it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
