I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
