That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
