There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
