At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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