I understand Curling. That high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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