you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
