Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize