I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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