I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
